Love a n d Freedom

I SIDE BOTH.

2010-07-09T01:36:00.000-07:00

first things first.
im not on any side.

im WONDERING.

-the sarcastic one

of course life goes on. life goes on because u keep saying it.
its a fact. everyone knows it. you dont need to say it.
you say cuz we have no life. cuz they have no life. cuz ppl have no life.
then why the heck are you alive/living?

you think the words we say to you right NOW, is hurtful, pissing you off.
then wad about all those words you said to us?
aren't they as hurtful?
aren't they pissing us off as well?

oh sorry, i forgot.
you don't care.

i asked you

why not try changing urself and make ur frens happy?
reply - what if i dont want to. (pissed me off)

don't you remember the four of us in form 1? we were so happy.. dont you want it back?
reply - i only know zoe and halili for two years.

don't you want zoe and halili back to you?
reply - what if i dont want them back.

do you wanna be like "her" without any friends? cause she lied too much?
reply - why should i have friends that doesnt accept me? im better off with ppl that accept me for who i am.

try not to walk away instantly when halili and zoe try to talk to you..
reply - i dont give a damn.
-end

you think that way.
"why should i have friends that doesnt accept me? im better off with ppl that accept me for who i am."

do you really think so?
you really think that ppl will accept you for who you are for your sarcastism?
do you REALLY REALLY think so?
so wad if you go to another country and have new friends?
if you dont change urself, are you sure they won't leave you?
and when ur friend (from another country) talks to you,
do you really wanna repeat
"why should i have friends that doesnt accept me? im better off with ppl that accept me for who i am."
this?

if you think its right,then i guess UR life goes on a different way.

you said others dont terasa.
u really think we won't terasa?
....

you never said sorry sincerely.
all you did was a piece of paper for the freaking whole gang.
is that wad you call as sincerity?

is it that hard for you to say IM SORRY?
from ur mouth?
is it THAT HARD?
you dare to make out in public, but ur not brave enough to say sorry?

absurd.

-the pissed off group

you guys talk about aaron.
you guys dislike him.
because he makes out too much with mae.

but he is not as bad as you guys think he is.
he's a really good friend.
he does not betray you.

you guys anti him for being too much of a flirt.
are you sure he's even involve in this?

from wad i know.
ALL this made their relationship worse.
and i don't hope to ruin ppl's happiness.

do you even have the right to budge into people's relationship?
sry.. no offence kay...

i dont side him. its just that i think he's totally out of the story.

sarcastism is pissing you off.
so it is to me.
wad can i do?
i sit beside her. dont i suffer the most?
but im trying very hard to accept her for who she is, though sometimes it really pisses me off.
but i know one day imma EXPLODE.

she might not be telling you stories. you know why?
cause she has a boyfriend.
but i think its not wrong.
i think that won't you wanna tell ur boyfriend all ur secrets and ur problems?
ITS NOT WRONG.

but all this made everything change.
because you guys think that she is not sharing stories.
her attitude is unbearable.

and yes ur right.

even my family told me. why do you still mix with her then?
why do you wanna get urself hurt?
because i want her to know and change
and i want her to know that she still has a friend that would support her if she's having a hard time.

that's all.

dont write anything.
dont reply to wad i wrote.

this is just something to say out.
not something to piss ppl off.

last things last.
i dont side any. or i side two.

:) -von-

LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH

2010-04-23T04:33:00.001-07:00

HAD SO MUCH FUN TODAY!

Lost my time table today
i didnt know wad subject to bring so i just brought science and english
I was packing my bag in the morning and I was late so i rushed to the bus
lucking thing karyan told bus uncle to wait for me.

SCHOOL WAS JUST AWESOME TODAY.

I WASNT LATE TO SCHOOL.
SCIENCE WAS INTERESTING!
our experiment so called " exploded"
well it WAS suppose to be like that anyway!

GEO WAS BORING SO WAS PK.
mae: von wad are u doing?
von: im throwing papers at sanjnaa!
mae: lool
*i continued throwing*
mae: eh von give me one.
von: nah
mae: lets throw it together.
von: ohh okay

and so *HITS*

sanjnaa: *head turns behind* making eye contact with us. No wonder i keep feeling smtg hitting my back!

and as usual her stop it! <<< remember her tone in ur mind

RECESS WAS MOODY FOR ME.

MATHS WAS SO FUNNY !
"SANJNAA'S MUM" ASKED HER TO WRITE ALL THE ANSWERS FOR THE QUESTION CUZ SHE WAS TOO NOISY!
HAHA.
OHH!! AND NOT FORGETTING TO MENTION!
THE CREAMY CORN!! - mae and shu jin didnt like it.... SANJNAA, MADI, FASIHAH AND I LOVED IT! HAHA.
we were arguing over mae and shujin's tastebuds having some problem.

and SANJNAA GOES " MAE! DONT U DAREEE INSULT CREAMY CORN!" == LOL.

i forgotten wad happen when teacher was teaching maths infront.... but i heard sanjnaa suddenly
"AISSSHHHHHH"

SHU JIN, SANJNAA, MADI, MAE, FASIHAH AND I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD, GIGGLING AS WELL.
me and sanjnaa were making eye contact as well....

AND TEACHER WENT OUT.

ENGLISH TIME!!!!
PN TAN DIDNT COME IN.
i went over to shujin's place
sitting beside sanjnaa
looking at her... i couldnt RESIST! JUST BY LOOKING AT HER!
LAUGHED SO HARD.
I TOLD SANJNAA IM HAVING LABOR!!!
MADI AND SANJNAA LAUGHED TOO!
THEN I TOLD CHARMAINE
CHARMAINE I THINK THE BABY IS COMING OUT.
MY STOMACH IS SO PAINFUL.
CONTINUED GIGGLING.

CHARMAINE: yvonne is laughing so hard!! later her BABY FLY OUT!!!!
SANJNAA MADI AND I PRACTICALLY LAUGHED SO SO SO SO HARD!
I WAS ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING EVEN HARDER
SANJNAA SAID : I THINK I BETTER GO OUT FOR AWHILE
sanjnaa , charmaine and someone else went to toilet
charmaine came back with the sanjnaa's file

Charmaine: yvonne! hide sanjnaa's file!! she left it outside the toilet!!
and so

we put it in diyanah's bag

when sanjnaa came back
i saw her saying "CHARMAINE IM GONNA KILL U!!!! I HATE U!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO MYYY FILLEEE.... "
LOL I COULDNT RESIST IT AGAIN BUT I PLAYED ALONG WITH IT.
WELL IN THE END WE HAD TO TELL HER WHR IT WAS.
AND SO

elyyy, sanjnaa, fasihah and i were at the table.
they were playing with my papers!
so i shouted OI!
they LAUGHED SO HARD BECAUSE I SHOUTED! LOL
I LAUGHED TOO BECAUSE ELY'S LAUGH WAS TOOO FUNNY.

teacher came in " PUAN EMILDA"
OH NOO!!! SO I WENT BACK TO MY PLACE MAE SAT BACK AT HER'S
teacher went out forawhile

we started cutting paper's for english
ely was cutting...
and so she LAUGHED.

WHEN SHE LAUGHED. I LAUGHED.
I TURNED TO MAE LAUGHING SO HARD!
mae was like im immune to ely's laughing already since standard 5.
sanjnaa said " i wont laugh u noe when ely laughs"
mae : ELY LAUGH!
ELY LAUGHED.
SANJNAA: looking serious... suddenly AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!
ALL OF US COULDNT STAND IT!

SERIOUSLY ALL OF US!
WITH ELY'S LAUGH AND THIS TIME SANJNAA'S LAUGH TOGETHER.
I LAUGHED SO HARD I WAS LITERALLY CRYING!
MAE SAID WHILE LAUGHING " YVONNE IS CRYING!!!" AHAHAHAHAHA

I LAUGHED SO HARD I BEND DOWN MY BODY
MY HANDS WERE TOUCHING MY TOES

SANJNAA: LOOK AT YVONNE!!! SHE'S LAUGHING AND HER HANDS ARE CROSSED! TOUCHING HER TOES!
AIYOOOOOOO. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

EVERYONE LAUGHED MORE
THE ATMOSPHERE WAS *AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG OMG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA*

BTW SANJNAA'S LAUGH GOES " AHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! <<<< HIGH PEECH TONE.

I HAD TEARS OF JOY.
SO MUCH TEARS OF JOY!

BUT IT WAS AWESOME
TODAY WAS

A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

I HATED MYSELF, I SUCKED, IM A LOSER.

2010-01-26T00:47:00.000-08:00

i didnt noe u hated me so much.
i dont make up stories.
and i noe i suck.

thats why
i wished i died
i wished i was born in some other country.
i wished i never existed.

i suck at everything
even confessing
even friendship
even my life.

IM A LOSER.

i was rejected.
ppl kept talking about it
do u think i wanted this?

i didnt want it

i guess it was wad i deserved.

i told sanjnaa
she's just a worthless piece of dirt on this earth

i didnt noe i was refering to myself.

and to this day
i didnt make up any stories
neither did i doubt u.

i know not everything refers to me

but that post in ur blog clearly refers to me.

u hate me,
u say i sucked,
u say im a loser.

YES.

I HATE MYSELF
I SUCK
IM A LOSER

U HAPPY NOW?

U LOVE URSELF
UR GREAT
UR A WINNER

u should appreciate that.

i didnt noe getting rejected would hurt so much.

for now why dont god just let me die

im suffering SO SO MUCH.

I DID NTG WRONG
I HATE MYSELF
I SUCK
IM A LOSER

TAKE ME TO HELL.

soft hearted.

2010-01-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

u can say wadever u want.
u have to appreciate ur frens
u have to think before u speak.
u cannot lie.
i just want u to noe that this time im really disappointed.
because she wants u to talk to her.
but instead u said she ignored u.
yes she ignored u.
but u have to give in instead of her.
u have to talk to her instead of her talking to u.

it seems u had a great time in school without me =)

i read ur blog

i told zoe "i wanna give her a piece of my mind"
i cant...
because i heard about "something " else
that hurt u.
that involved both of us.
im saying "sorry" about that

IM TRULY SORRY.

yes u have ur own life.
i have mine too.

im glad u said school is great.

because now i noe that school sucks when im around.

not getting any better.

2010-01-25T18:04:00.000-08:00

woke up in the morning,
looked at the clock,
7.00! OH SHIT!
(wakes my dad up)
dad say its okie i wanted to bring u to the doc
owh! okay =)
slept in between dad and mum.
daddie is sick too
my condition is getting worse
i hope i get well soon .

when i hope for bad things to come they dont
but when i dont hope for them to come they do.

WTH?

LOL

well i didn't go for tuition yesterday,
so i bet "someone" enjoyed it.
as she was "not" looking forward to tuition if i was there.

i feel so sick as if im having cancer or something.
well i wished i had cancer NOW.
so that i could die faster.

this is just so frustrating.

this is NEVER GOING TO END.

i mean *stuff*

let me die.

2010-01-25T00:21:00.000-08:00

now that i've realised i cant even TALK!

i dont have my voice now.

it always happen when i cough / sick.
ugh! so sickening.

even when im sick in school
i have to face those who are angry, sad and mad at me.
"SOME" ppl ignored me.
i wished i wasnt sick.
because when ur sick, u suffer more.
i really hope my life ends right NOW.
i wish i could just die of heart attack or wadever shit.
this world is lifeless now.
no one is smiling.
no one is laughing.
those who are sad just wanders away.
and those who are "sick" doesnt wanna live.

i wish i could have the courage i had last time.
opening the window,
stepping out to the roof,

however, as i looked down,
i was scared.
i couldnt die at this instant.

my mum called my name,
i had to get back to the room and lock the window.
just gave her an ugly smile.

i feel so DEAD rite now.

GOD LET ME DIE.
IM SUFFERING WAY TOO MUCH OF THIS.
JUST TAKE ME AWAY.
I DONT MIND EVEN IF I END UP IN
"HELL"

I JUST WANNA DIE.

................

IM SICK.

2010-01-23T16:27:00.000-08:00

im sick.

went out with my parents for shopping,argued with my mum over a shoe.

im just so sick of arguing.

or rather kinda used to it.

because i AM like that.

i get pissed easily and i admit that.

im not going to think a bout stuff anymore =)

trying hard to smile =)

i know that i can do it cuz its just a smile.

realised that i was sick on the way home.

had fever, sore throat, coughs and block ears

that's enough for me to DIE.
LOL

NEXT MORNING

FLU!

SO ITS

fever, sore throat, coughs ,block ears and RUNNING NOSE.

OHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY THERE'S TRAINING!

COME ON! FIRST TIME TRAINING WITH THE SENIORS AND IM SICK!

UGHHHH!

I HOPE I GET BETTER SOON.

OH I BET EVERYONE WAS HAPPY THAT THEY DIDNT GO TO SCHOOL ON SAT!

WELL I WAS.

WENT OUT WEARING THE BLACK BAND ON MY ARM YESTERDAY!
cool.

eating munchy's "oat krunch" and jacob's "weetameal" now.
really tasty though i dont have the appetite.

=X

well thats all for today!
cya!

2010-01-22T00:10:00.000-08:00

i will not care even if i see wad i read in "your" blog

this is no longer the YVONNE last time.

YVONNE had already moved on.

because the words "i dont care" , "wadever" , "u dont have to tell me that"
is just hurtful.

i learned it from u.

i treasured too those past seven years.

but i was stubborn.

those hurtful and hateful secrets i've heard is just disappointing at the very end.

even though i said "yeah, i know her already. she's like that. i dont mind."

it was just words from my mouth.

i tried to be strong...but its hard.

everytime i do smtg bad to her i feel SO GUILTY.
because i cared for her so much.
especially her family...

but when i thought about those secrets , secrets that are TRUE is just .....

i might not forgive the rest easily
but as for her i would

i know today she tried to talk to me by borrowing me her book
i appreciate that a lot.
i couldnt stand but to talk to her in the very end
even though Yvonne is really hurt this time...

i just thought of smtg that my friend told me today.
just talk to her
give in this time.

thinking to myself..
i hope things gets better
and then all of a sudden

(inside my mind)

*thinking back about those secrets*

really made me sad...

the way ppl look at me in class
those who were supporting her
gave me an angry stare
then shakes head...

*thinks again*

wad did i do wrong anyway?
im just trying to let her know for ONCE
i was sad and disappointed.
and that is the first time i've ever felt this sad..

listening to those words again

(yvonne just give in)
for her

would i?

should i?

i dont know.

i know this is harsh
but its the only way to let u noe how i feel

even though u said u hated me

i could never say that.

even until now i could not

because deep down i know that
i still care about this friendship a lot.

u might be able to forget this friendship

but i

cannot.

i shall move on.

2010-01-21T00:08:00.001-08:00

friendship hurts.

USING her for the pass 7 years?

supporting her ENEMIES for the pass 7 years?

making her SUFFER for the past 7 years?

keeping her just to be a "companion".

but even if u had to appologize to the person u hate saying "IM SORRY" it wouldnt have any
means in it. and EVEN SO ,no matter who u appologize to , it will never be YVONNE .

i guess she had only realised it now that her friend hated her SO MUCH ,so much that even if they were to fight FRIENDSHIP isnt to be bothered anymore.

after
so much
so long

i was "stupid"

i was "stubborn"

i took her as a best friend.

i was just a toy.

yvonne is no longer going to suffer after this.

=) ★

2010-01-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

tomorrows school!... i wonder why time flies! =((( ARGGH GUESS WAD HOLIDAY IS OVERRR.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

just received a msg from madiha a few days ago..

"Yv. cik zahriah dah pindah. she sent her regards 2 all 2c girls. pls tell d others.n imy."

i was lazy to sent so i just sent to a few ppl..

on thursday night = CHRISTMAS EVE

my family and my dad's old frens had a gathering and "eat coast"

cheryl and jiew ann were there too! my sis went out with her frens and stayedover.

HAHA. SHE MISSED OUT THE FUN OF DRINKING ALCOHOL AND UNCLE SONG HUAT'S JOKES.

ALL THE AUNTY UNCLES TOOK SOME PICS ...............

BTW WE BROUGHT ALCOHOL THERE! BACARDI RUM. IT WAS NICE BUT

TOO BAD I DIDNT HAVE THE MOOD. =((

i saw VIOLET! i think she was one of the boss relatives.

SO THEN.. while waiting for the clock to struck 00.00 check on my phone...

HOPING FOR MY PHONE TO NOT OFF CUZ THE BATTERY WAS FINISHED..

THE PHONE KEPT ON VIBRATING "BATTERY EMPTY BATTERY EMPTY".

AND THEN WHEN IT STRUCKED 00.00 *QUICKLY CHECKS ON PHONE*

OFF-ED! PISSED. AND FELT BAD. =((

NEXT MORNING QUICKLY SENDS MESSAGES TO FRENS HAPPY NEW YEAR!

explains about phone last night ...

sanjnaa:HAHAHA! Typical von! Haha! Happy 2010! =D

zoe: HAPPY NEW WEAR TO U TOO! HAHA! U MISPE LLED IT XD LUVV YAAA its okie!

*i was thinking mispelled ? ehh?? i did? checks msg again.. nope i didnt 0.0*

huh?

then on that day.... went out to sutera mall and tesco to shop for school stuffs..

I WAS SERIOUSLY HAVING A BAD MOOD I DUNNO WHY ==

managed to buy a pair of jeans and mummy bought a pair of shoe.

next day saturday....

supposed to go karaoke but seems like smtg happened

THIS TIME DADDY HAD A BAD MOOD

HE WAS SO ANGRY HE TOLD MY SIS AND I

TODAY U ALL WANNA EAT WAD THEN EAT WAD

JUST SAY THEN I'LL BRING U GUYS

ENDED UP TAKING TGI FRIDAYS!

YAY!

AFTER DINNER WENT TO CS.

drinking "cool blog peach red tea" as my sis was buying looking for a comfy pants.

went back home around 9?

watched some korean concert on tv till 12.45

slept and woke up around 10.30

woked up immediately after hearing some so called "nagging"

ironed my uniform...

on the computer WAITED FOR 15 MIN

!$%^&*#

AND NOW

chatting with eddy maple fren =))

told him that i can only play maple in november this year cuz of some major exam

and also told him to keep in contact

eddy:cuz im charming =P right?

von : == yea yea ==

eddy:SAY YES GOD DAMN IT!

von : == MAD

eddy: you ADMIT!

von :??? WAD ==

eddy :Good (:

von : ............................

LOL!

Mondays class choir

2009-08-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

Mondays choir was like horrid...
i decided not to be the conductor but still i DID cuz everyone's like
who is the conductor? when to go up the stage? when to put up the flags?
ugh, no choice then...
i got very nervous and teared (lols)
then there's was form ones modelling
there were so many girls who wored cheong-sam
but SOME of them looked nice...
one even wored KIMONO(japanese traditional dress) but she pronounced it KOMONO!LOLS!
THEN MORE CAME
WITH "HANBOK" ( the korean traditional dress)
BUT they looked nice.
monday just passed like that with bm , moral and maths (just normal)
cik intan asked "why u cut ur hair? alah!"

Singing for class next monday!!

2009-08-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

Next monday is our class choir!
omg my class is like BAD BAD BAD =(
ISHHHHHHHHHH
y do we have to sing?!

people in my class are saying
"haiya no need to sing larh, if wanna sing also simply sing lor. Out of tune also nvm larh!"
i mean like now its not the problem of of out of tune...
now its like so so bad (i don't know how to explain)
and guess wad..
im the conductor?!
gosh i feel so stressed...

and mae has to buy the cheapest flag she can find
cuz the money is with her and she's the treasurer
i do pity her cuz she's always the one buying stuff for our class...

i just REALLY hope that we can get at LEAST number 3 / 6

hope my wish comes true.